Veg’d out

I love my fruits and veggies. I really do. Given the option, I’m more likely to order a big salad or a double side of vegetables when I’m at a restaurant than a potato or meat. I add crazy things to my culinary creations to up the veggie ante. Most days though, I’m a coffee hound with a side of a couple lazy fruits and a bowl of cereal.

Our family has been falling far behind on our 5-a-day. My bugz aren’t thrilled by anything other than an apple, banana, or fresh berries. They don’t particularly “like” vegetables…although they will eat them over meat. They are definitely (wheat-free/celiac) grainovores. They want cereal for breakfast, peanut butter and jam sandwiches for lunch, and noodles for dinner. And sadly, gluten free options aren’t always the cleanest food choices. It takes a lot of additives to make some foods taste good without the gluten!

And Leith? He just wants meat sticks from the 7-Eleven. And beer.

Sigh.

I can only sneak so much into my kids’ diets. Until I had a moment of genius: smoothies. My kids love smoothies! They beg for us to stop at Booster Juice whenever we are at the swimming pool. So last week, I introduced the idea of Smoothies For Breakfast, and they went NUTS! They have been having a veggie- and fruit-filled smoothie every day for 5 days now. They get about 2 servings of produce each, and then some. Each smoothie has pomegranate juice, almond milk, a whole carrot, 2 handfuls of spinach, parsley, a whole banana (or half an avocado), frozen berries, a few tablespoons of Greek yogurt, chia seeds, and hemp hearts.

BOOM!

Lots of real, organic, natural foods. No mixes or powders, no fake vitamins, no fibre substitutes, no sweeteners. Just real, whole foods. And they LOVE it! The rest of the day, I can sneak peas into their noodles or throw some baby carrots on the side of their sandwiches. I always take an apple and banana with me to my dance classes, and I get 4 servings of fruits/veggies in my smoothie because I’m not sharing it 😉

To make an awesome change even better, I finally signed up for the Organic Box! They recently expanded their service to Spruce Grove/Stony Plain, and they have a drop-off location. I’m currently spending about $45-50/week on produce, and only half of it is organic. For $55/week, it’s all organic. Not bad!! I’m really looking forward to having more variety, and being able to custom-tailor our orders each week.

How do you get your family eating more vegetables and fruits? What are your tips and tricks?

My Bad Choice Jar

That’s it. I’m out of creative ways to be a horrible parent. That, and I honestly can’t keep up with all the new ways to be a horrible parent. Truthfully, my mind is full to the brim with more important information, such as:

Do I need to bottle my kombucha today?

What is the drop-in schedule at Dance Code tonight?

Is my period late?

How far can I drive before I absolutely MUST change the oil in my car?

What’s the name of that song that goes, “Dah-na-na-naaaah NA, dah-na-na-na…”?

And so on. Valuable space is being taken up in my grey matter, and I JUST CAN’T COMPETE with all the things I’m doing wrong as a parent! Thus, I have decided to take an idea off of Pinterest and modify it to suit the growing number of parenting goofs we all make day in and day out:

My Bad Choice Jar
…I couldn’t find a jar big enough to fit all the judgement in the world…

I mean, really: we are so stupid, how can we possible continue to breed? How will the human race survive when we:

• breastfeed
• don’t breastfeed
• breastfeed “too long”
• vaccinate
• don’t vaccinate
• discipline
• teach consequences
• let them discover their own consequences
• circumcise (so glad I had girls…!)
• use disposable diapers
• use cloth diapers
• use sippy cups
• use bottles
• co-sleep
• sleep in separate rooms
• sleep train
• serve juice
• eat peanut butter
• watch TV
• watch movies
• play video games
• spank
• use adult words
• talk it out
• time outs
• time ins
• comfort tantrums
• ignore tantrums
• throw tantrums
• encourage Princess play
• buy toys
• shop at Walmart
• shop local
• eat organic
• eat at McDonald’s
• eat hot dogs
• cut up hot dogs and grapes
• eat them whole
• supervise our kids
• let them run freely
• build zip lines in the backyard…and tree forts!
• play hide and seek!
• send them to play school
• send them to daycare
• work away from home
• stay at home
• work from home
• give your body parts cutesie names
• give your body parts proper names
• eat dairy
• eat meat
• drink alcohol before the kids are 18
• drink alcohol WITH the kids before they’re 18
• don’t drink any alcohol around the kids
• drink while pregnant
• go out on dates
• hire a babysitter
• never hire a sitter
• buy a cheap carseat
• use a Bumbo
• always have tummy time
• never have tummy time
• do crafts
• hate crafts
• yell at the top of your lungs…ever
• use sign language
• use foul language
• throw out plastic bags
• recycle
• compost
• use the garbage for everything
• wipe their noses
• play in the sprinkler
• ride their bikes alone to the park
• ride in cars with boys
• sleep on the top bunk
• sleep over at friends’ houses
• teach them their ABCs
• let your iPhone teach them their ABCs
• play nothing but classical music
• play nothing but Barney and Bieber
• play nothing but county music and gangsta rap
• potty train
• use elimination communication

And so on. I can’t wait to fill my Jar! My only question is this:

Should I fill it with everyone else’s mistakes? Or should I only fill it with my OWN mistakes? Or should I fill it with all the mistakes I swore I’d never make? Or just with the things I feel totally okay with? Should I keep out the mistakes that I would judge people about? Or is every mistake fair game?

Whadya say? Wanna help me fill my Bad Choice Jar today? What are the so-called “bad choices” you’ve made, according to people who obviously know better than you?

Side note: I’ll be having a garbage-burning party once my Bad Choice Jar is full! We have make sure we purge the Earth of all the bad choices so that our children survive!! Please bring your non-organic (and organic) hot dogs and tofu dogs. Supervision of children is optional, as is your consumption of alcohol.

Additional side note: if you get your panties in a twist about this, I’m going to assume you are NOT okay with your own bad choices, and that you need to build your own Bad Choice Jar to burn. It’s easy. All you need is:

• a jar
• paper
• a marker
• tape
• a sense of humour
• a low-bullshit tolerance

No beds: an update

Remember this?

Well, it’s backfired a little.

You see, my bugz have discovered that they LOVE this empty room. They have a mattress on the floor, a throw blanket, and occasionally they have earned their pillows and stuffed princesses back.

I say “occasionally” because they tend to lose those items the morning after they get them back due to excessive whining and fighting.

So, while it’s obvious that I haven’t emotionally scarred them for life, I haven’t really made much headway in the discipline arena. They have a big empty room to run around and scream in. They love it. There’s zero motivation to get anything back.

The novelty of listening to Mommy has worn off.

Sigh.

 

Raising adults

My goodness.

They don’t call it the f***ing fours for nothing, my friends. I am inside-out worn down from the constant struggle to raise my children. The constant begging and pleading for good behaviour. The constant threatening of irrational consequences. The constant giving in.

The ache of wanting my four-year old twins to just be consistently good for a day.

But they’re four. They have the attention span of a gnat when in comes to adult lifestyle, and the memory of an elephant when it comes to everything I don’t want them to know.

They have no concept of age other than little vs old. So, when I do something, they see it as a demonstration of how to live as a human being. It can range from the innocuous (leaving my bed unmade) to the explosive (losing my temper instead of dealing calmly). Then, when I ask them to do the opposite (make your bed, use your words…), it’s confusing.

Monkeys see, monkeys do.

I am my own worst parenting enemy.

It’s absolutely a case of watching Mommy (and Daddy) act like a spoiled, undisciplined brat day in and day out.

Let’s face it: I do what I want, when I want. I lack schedule and structure. I fly freely. But I’ve learned to do what I need to do, when I need to do it. I’m an adult, and I learned life skills as a child. Unfortunately, I demonstrating my chosen adult skills to my children now. They aren’t learning and then choosing. They’re only seeing one thing, and being told another.

Problem discovered: I need to start raising adults, instead of children. I need to provide them with structure and examples that will help them thrive in life. And I need to start by demonstrating that myself.

I need to start being the adult parent, instead of just the egocentric woman living in the house. I need to be the change I want to see in my children 😉 They spend the majority of their time with me, even more than they do with their dad. In 14 months, I’ll turn them over to the school system, and my influence will be greatly diminished.

I owe it to my kids to start showing them how a responsible, mature adult acts so that they have a hope of growing into responsible, mature adults themselves. I’ll be honest: the thought frightens me. More so than sticking to their consequences, I have to stick to my word. I have to stand by my threats of leaving/not going/taking this privilege away, even if it means that I can’t do something I want.

I have to catch myself before I speak or react. I have to gauge the situation and be aware of the consequences of my own actions.

I have to parent myself the way I want my kids to be parented. It won’t be easy…but I hope (and know) it will be worth it.

Wish me luck!

Nucking futs

Oh my.

I hit the end of the line today. I found myself completely and totally lost for patience for the 13-year old snotty attitude that has invaded my 4-year old twins. At what point did they evolve into these sarcastic, surly beasts?? So much back talk! So much whining! So much disobedience!

I was beginning to feel as though my life was saturated with fake Sorrys and empty threats. So, I did it.

I threatened to take them back to their day home.

Don’t get me wrong- their day home was awesome. I loved our provider. She was the perfect mix of no-BS and glitter crafts. But if I had to choose…I’d keep my girls home with me any day. After all, children are not an inconvenience to be managed. I can stay home with them because we are so blessed to make that choice, and because deep down, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

However!!

I’ve been feeling strained and trapped by this prepubescent activity bubbling in their preschool veins. It’s unexpected. I don’t know if it’s my influence, a twin phenomenon, boredom, the movies they watch…or a combination of everything. All I know is that there is too much SASS and not enough respect.

God help me if I talked back to my parents ever, let alone at this age! Did I, Mom? I don’t remember. All I know is that this throws me for a parenting loop.

The last thing I want to hear is that they are good girls. I know they are generally really good, smart kids. But the rude demons that take over?? Totally unacceptable. The worst part is that they compound and encourage each other.

So the threat stands: you were always nice to Sarah, and you’re always mean to Mommy. If you can’t be nice to Mommy, you’ll have to spend your days at the day home. You’ll listen to her, so at least you’ll learn to be well-behaved.

Obviously, this is an empty threat to se degree. I’m not about to give up on parenting and hand them off to be trained. But I’m hoping that it provides them with a little perspective: why are you good for other people, and not for me?

Maybe I’ll end up with answers. Maybe I won’t. But this parenting thing is a tough gig, and I don’t have the answers for this situation. Sometimes I wonder if I left my instincts on the operating table when they were born…

Wishes

I wish that

…I had more time to blog here and here, and even right here
…my new treadmill would arrive sooner than next week
…I hadn’t eaten so much gluten-y junk this past weekend, because I’m paying for it dearly!
…the chiweenie pup cared more about housebreaking, instead of breaking my house…
…my kids would wake up covered in magical good-behaviour/quiet-voice dust!!
…I had time to Zumba with my favorite people, and spend more zen time at my Bikram home
…someone would please come and rescue me from laundry purgatory, aka, our guest bedroom
…I was actually asleep right now, as much as I love being awake 😉

But really? All that is minor in light of everything I truly have in my life. For fun’s sake, though: what do you wish for tonight??